Unresolved Mom Issues at Death

Unresolved Mom Issues at Death

Mean Mom, Nice Mom and Dementia

Mean Mom, Nice Mom and Dementia

Here is a painful subject that I am going to bring up. Hundreds of people have reached out to me in the last week since my mother passed. So many of them shared a story about their own mom passing. Some were wonderful experiences that they will treasure and others were not. Sudden deaths are very hard. Every personal death I have experienced in my life was sudden, except for my mom’s death. You can read about my mom’s passing experience HERE.

You either had a loving caring parent or you did not. This article is for those who did not.

Many vulnerable sons and daughters were abused by either their mom or dad, sometimes both. We live in world that accepts dysfunctional families now. Family abuse that was hidden in the 1950’s and 1960’s can now be accepted in the mainstream. There are resources and counseling available so abused children (who have become adults) can acknowledge the abuse and move on.

My mother was abusive to all her young children. You can read my article MEAN MOM, NICE MOM and DEMENTIA HERE.

A wonderful counselor changed my life for the better and his recommendation is explained in my article MEAN MOM, NICE MOM and DEMENTIA HERE. My mom and I enjoyed over 20 years of a good adult relationship. I forgave her. Many of you know I have advocated for my mom’s care needs for the past 10 years.

So what happens if an abused adult son or daughter still has unresolved issues at death with mom? Do they go to the funeral? Do they have a free pass not to attend?

What have you encountered?

It seems ironic now, that my new book is dedicated to my mom. Writing this blog has been therapy for me over the last three years. After sharing numerous stories about my mom, several senior living people said you should write a book to help other seniors and their families. So I did and “Your Senior Housing Options” was published recently.

I love you mother and hope your stories peppered through the book can help others learn their options and plan ahead. So many seniors fight to stay home and then a sudden crisis causes them to lose their ability to choose like my in-laws did. What person in their right mind wants to be put someplace?  My in-laws have no choices now.  Seniors and their families should study the options and costs now.  The greatest gift my mom ever gave me was to plan ahead at age 75, so her transition to assisted living was a good one.  She recently passed at age 92 in skilled nursing care.

Diane has worked in senior housing for 17 years and is the regional marketing director for two debt-free Continuing Care Retirement Communities in Southern CA (Freedom Village in Lake Forest and The Village in Hemet).  Her first book “Senior Housing Marketing – How to Increase Your Occupancy and Stay Full,” is being utilized by senior housing professionals across the country.

Is Advocacy the Answer for Assisted Living?

Is Advocacy the Answer for Assisted Living?

Is Advocacy the Answer for Assisted Living?As a daughter with a mom in skilled nursing care, the PBS documentary entitled “Life and Death in Assisted Living” really upset me.  My mom has vascular dementia and I have been her advocate for the last 7 years in assisted living.  Those of you who follow my blog know that I moved my mom 1000 miles into a skilled nursing care near me – about 10 weeks ago.  This transition happened because I was 100% in tune with my mom’s needs.

We all know someone who had a horror story during a hospital stay.  Last week one of my colleagues was shocked to walk in and find her dad in soft restraints after heart surgery.  He was 82 and not coming out of the anesthesia well.  The nurse said that she did not have enough staff to help him, so she had to use soft arm restraints.  My colleague asked if they could please remove the restraints.  She and her mom each took one arm of her dad and literally held him thrashing around all night with no sleep.

Every senior or human being needs an advocate to make sure that the care they are paying thousands of dollar per month in any level of care is being provided.  Trying to be a good advocate for my mom and living two states away – just about killed me.  You have to have eyes on your loved one or pay someone to come in and be your eyes – particularly when they have dementia.

When a senior has dementia, like my mom, they get to the point where they cannot communicate all their needs, pains or desires to either caregivers or family members.  There needs to be an advocate who truly knows that person and can look for and understand his or her unspoken needs on a regular basis.

If my colleague had not shown up to be an advocate for her dad, he would have been in soft restraints all night.  If I had not flown in every few months to see my mom with my own eyes, areas of concern would not have been addressed.  My mom had good care in assisted living with a caring staff, but she is my mom and I know her best.

It always makes me sad when a future senior resident considering senior housing has no family or only distant relatives.  They may ask a lawyer or a niece in Canada to become their advocate or power of attorney.  Will this remote person advocate properly on his or her behalf – if the senior can no longer communicate verbally?

There are great senior housing options available with loving caring staff, but it is always wise to have an advocate that knows your unspoken needs when you can no longer speak on your own behalf.

Tip:  Future residents and their family members need to do their homework as they explore all senior housing options including assisted living.  Always ask what the longevity of staff is at each retirement community, assisted living, memory care or skilled care nursing that you are considering for yourself or a loved one.  Staff turnover is an indicator of an underlying management or ownership problem in all levels of senior care.  Look for communities with longevity of staff.

Diane Twohy Masson is the best-selling author of “Senior Housing Marketing – How to Increase Your Occupancy and Stay Full,” available at Amazon.com with a 5-star rating.  The book is required reading at George Mason University as a part of its marketing curriculum.  Within this book, the author developed a sales & marketing method with 12 keys to help senior living providers increase their occupancy.   Masson developed this expertise as a marketing consultant, sought-after blogger for senior housing and a regional marketing director of continuing care retirement communities in several markets.  She has also been a corporate director of sales and a mystery shopper for independent living, assisted living, memory care and skilled care nursing communities in multiple states.  Most recently Masson was recruited to consult for two debt-free Continuing Care Retirement Communities in Southern California – Freedom Village in Lake Forest and The Village in Hemet, California.  Interestingly, this career started when she was looking for a place for her own mom and helped her loved one transition through three levels of care.

Why is this the BEST TIME of the Year TO CALL Your Database!

Why is this the BEST TIME of the Year TO CALL Your Database!

The last couple of weeks before Christmas and New Years is a key time to call your senior living database.  When visiting family members (like boomer children) say, “Mom or Dad – let’s start exploring retirement housing options for you.”  The senior can say, well The Village or Freedom Village just called last week…  The Boomer children will say, “Great, let’s go check that community out first.”

Many sales people spend their entire precious selling time – attending resident holiday parties, enjoying carolers or other live entertainment.  This is not the time to sit back on your laurels and hope your retirement community will miraculously get fuller in 2013.

The work ethic of a senior living sales person before New Years can dictate a surge of move-ins in early 2013.  This is an opportunity to jump the census by 2 – 5 percentage points!

It’s time to smile and dial, because this is the best time of the year to call your database.  Many seniors are lonely and you may be the only phone call they receive during their entire day.  Able-bodied seniors drive or fly to see children and grandchildren for the holidays – so they may not be home.  Frailer seniors have to hope their kids will come visit them and are usually home.  Either way, the children may notice a change in their senior parent(s) and start exploring options.  Make sure your senior living community is top of mind with the senior – it only takes a simple phone call!

Call Your Database Now to Increase Occupancy for Early 2013!

Diane Twohy Masson is the author of Senior Housing Marketing – How to Increase Your Occupancy and Stay Full,” available for sale at Amazon.com.  If your curiosity is piqued to inquire on Diane’s availability to speak at a senior housing conference (CCRC, independent living, assisted living, skilled nursing or memory care) – please call: 206-853-6655 or email diane@marketing2seniors.net.  Diane is currently consulting in Southern California for Freedom Management Company, the proud debt-free owners of Freedom Village in Lake Forest and The Village in Hemet, California.  For more information: Twitter: @market2seniors Web: www.marketing2seniors.net Blog: http://marketing2seniors.net/blog/

Interviewing 5 Internet Lead Choices – To Increase the Occupancy!

Interviewing 5 Internet Lead Choices – To Increase the Occupancy!

All the big players in senior housing have a budget for Internet leads.  With all the Internet lead companies vying for your dollar – how do you choose?  We all want to get the best bang for our buck – and we want results – move-ins now!

Pew research has indicated that 50% of seniors are online users now and that 70% of web savvy seniors get online every single day.   Baby boomer adult children are surfing the web researching options for their aging parents.  Is your online presence strong?

This month I am going on a search to determine which senior housing Internet lead referral companies can bring the best the results for some companies I represent.  My strategy is to interview 5 of the top national players who provide senior housing leads.

This is what I want to learn:

  • What’s better – paying a full month’s rent for a move-in or individually paying for Internet leads?
  • How many Internet leads does it take for a move in?
  • What kinds of filters do they provide, so my leads are the best quality?
  • If a lead is no good, do I still have to pay?
  • Will too many garbage Internet leads discourage my salespeople?
  • If the Internet lead person moves in and then moves out in two months, do I still have to pay a full months rent?
  • For Independent Living and Assisted Living leads, how are the leads income qualified, so I don’t end up with low-income or senior apartment leads?
  • Can they find entrance fee applicants for a Continuing Care Retirement Community, so I don’t end up with just rental leads?

The typical senior housing marketing mix results can now include: 20% or more of move-ins being sourced as Internet leads. At one time, I represented 14 properties that eventually had over 20% of their sales volume coming from Internet leads.  There is no question that the quality of Internet leads varies. Many sales people dislike Internet leads because they think they are all garbage.  Every lead needs to be treated as a viable lead.  I have had to sell my sales people on how to properly utilize Internet leads, in order to increase move-ins.  The challenge was having them believe in the quality of the lead, so the staff would treat them as hot leads.  Quick response and follow up were the keys and the results were dramatic!   The occupancy started to rise quickly with proper use of Internet leads…

Stay tuned for my results…if you were going to interview 5 Internet lead referral companies, what would be your top considerations?

Diane Twohy Masson is the author of “Senior Housing Marketing – How to Increase Your Occupancy and Stay Full,” available for sale at Amazon.com.  If your curiosity is piqued to inquire on Diane’s availability to speak at a senior housing conference (CCRC, independent living, assisted living, skilled nursing or memory care) – please call: 206-853-6655 or email diane@marketing2seniors.net.  Diane is currently consulting in Southern California for Freedom Management Company, the proud debt-free owners of Freedom Village in Lake Forest and The Village in Hemet, California.  For more information:   Twitter: @market2seniors Web: www.marketing2seniors.net Blog: http://marketing2seniors.net/blog/

Do You Educate the Customer on Senior Housing  & Healthcare Choices?

Do You Educate the Customer on Senior Housing & Healthcare Choices?

It’s always beneficial to become the customer’s friend by being a resource for all senior living information.  Learn your market choices and share as much information as possible, so the senior or their family can make a good decision.

It’s always good to ask the prospect, if they have just started exploring their options or find out if they are further along into research mode.  Seniors and baby boomer adult children, who are just starting out, often need some basic information.  How you present it, depends on what senior housing option you represent.  When people are making a move, it’s always a good idea to figure out the costs of future health care, home maintenance and services (such as dining, 24-hour emergency call system and housekeeping).

1)   One option is for seniors to stay in their own home. Some seniors choose to live with children or have their adult children live with them. This is a great option if someone’s son or daughter is a repair person, great cook and willing to drive them to doctor appointments, when they are not able to drive.

2)   Staying at home with home healthcare. Home healthcare can provide a qualified person who can help with medication management and assist with the activities of daily living.  Costs average $21 an hour on a national basis, which can quickly turn into $15,000 a month with full time care.

3)   Moving into a condo provides for most of the maintenance, repairs, home upkeep and yard work.  It can come with home owner’s association (HOA’s) dues of $300 – $1500 a month.

4)   Independent living – retirement communities, who offer one level of care, can have strict health requirements, but many communities are allowing in-home care to people’s apartments so they can remain in residence longer.  In-home care averages $19 an hour nationally, so just 8 hours of help a day can add up to over $4700 a month.  The $4700 a month would be in addition to the monthly rental fee.  It varies by state, if the in-home care has licensing and trained staff requirements.

5)   Independent living – retirement communities, who offer two levels of care, may or may not have stringent health requirements.  If they offer both independent living and assisted living, they tend to be less strict, because they can provide services for two levels of care.   The disadvantage is that independent seniors are living with frailer neighbors.  Research the cost of independent living and the cost of assisted living (find out what is included with the rent – is any care included – or is care all added on separately?).  These prices vary depending on how many meals and services are provided.

6)   If seniors wait too long to move when they are independent, they can move directly into an assisted living community, where they can enjoy 3 meals a day and 24-hour care support.  Some assisted living communities charge one all-inclusive rate and others charge extra for bathing assistance, medication management, incontinence care, etc.  Assisted Living basic rent costs between $2100 and $5700 a month on a national level with bigger rooms and additional care costing more.  In Washington State, I personally knew people that paid $9000 a month for heavy assisted living services.

7)   Skilled nursing care or rehab is something that people never select as a choice.  Typically something happened to the senior that caused a hospital stay and their doctor recommends that they recover in a Medicare certified skilled nursing care or rehabilitation center.  This is 24-hour skilled nursing care and can be a short-term stay for a few weeks or a month.  Long-term care residents typically cannot get out of bed on their own and live in this environment on a permanent basis.  Costs can run nationally between $128 and $678 a day for semi-private room.   I have typically seen daily costs in the mid-$200’s for a semi-private room and up to mid-$400 for a private suite on the West Coast.

8)   Continuing care retirement communities (CCRC’s) have health and financial thresholds that must be met, in order to move-in.  A large number of CCRC organizations, through their foundations, may offer a guarantee of care for the rest of the senior’s life.  This can be a powerful choice, to know that if something happened to a senior’s finances that they would have care for life.  CCRC’s typically offer independent living, assisted living and skilled nursing care, all on the same campus.  A one time entrance fee is usually requested that can run anywhere from $60,000 to over $2 million.  A percentage of the entrance fee can be refundable back to someone’s estate.  There are many varieties of returnable options.  The monthly fees of CCRC’s are typically lower than month-to-month rentals for the same square footage.

There are a variety of qualities for all the above choices.  Learn your area’s choices and help be an educational resource to the customer.  They will appreciate you more and hopefully select your retirement community.  Encourage seniors to choose wisely, it’s not just about price, but the quality of services and care that are provided.   A good question to ask a prospect would be: What senior housing option gives them the most peace of mind?

Every town, city and state has different pricing.  My national price quotes came from: http://www.metlife.com/mmi/research/2011-market-survey-long-term-care-costs.html#findings

Diane Twohy Masson is the author of “Senior Housing Marketing – How to Increase Your Occupancy and Stay Full,” available for sale at Amazon.com.  If your curiosity is piqued to inquire on Diane’s availability to speak at a senior housing conference (CCRC, independent living, assisted living, skilled nursing or memory care) – please call: 206-853-6655 or email diane@marketing2seniors.net.  Diane is currently consulting in Southern California for Freedom Management Company, the proud debt-free owners of Freedom Village in Lake Forest and The Village in Hemet, California.  For more information:Twitter: @market2seniorsWeb: www.marketing2seniors.netBlog: http://marketing2seniors.net/blog/