Unresolved Mom Issues at Death

Unresolved Mom Issues at Death

Mean Mom, Nice Mom and Dementia

Mean Mom, Nice Mom and Dementia

Here is a painful subject that I am going to bring up. Hundreds of people have reached out to me in the last week since my mother passed. So many of them shared a story about their own mom passing. Some were wonderful experiences that they will treasure and others were not. Sudden deaths are very hard. Every personal death I have experienced in my life was sudden, except for my mom’s death. You can read about my mom’s passing experience HERE.

You either had a loving caring parent or you did not. This article is for those who did not.

Many vulnerable sons and daughters were abused by either their mom or dad, sometimes both. We live in world that accepts dysfunctional families now. Family abuse that was hidden in the 1950’s and 1960’s can now be accepted in the mainstream. There are resources and counseling available so abused children (who have become adults) can acknowledge the abuse and move on.

My mother was abusive to all her young children. You can read my article MEAN MOM, NICE MOM and DEMENTIA HERE.

A wonderful counselor changed my life for the better and his recommendation is explained in my article MEAN MOM, NICE MOM and DEMENTIA HERE. My mom and I enjoyed over 20 years of a good adult relationship. I forgave her. Many of you know I have advocated for my mom’s care needs for the past 10 years.

So what happens if an abused adult son or daughter still has unresolved issues at death with mom? Do they go to the funeral? Do they have a free pass not to attend?

What have you encountered?

It seems ironic now, that my new book is dedicated to my mom. Writing this blog has been therapy for me over the last three years. After sharing numerous stories about my mom, several senior living people said you should write a book to help other seniors and their families. So I did and “Your Senior Housing Options” was published recently.

I love you mother and hope your stories peppered through the book can help others learn their options and plan ahead. So many seniors fight to stay home and then a sudden crisis causes them to lose their ability to choose like my in-laws did. What person in their right mind wants to be put someplace?  My in-laws have no choices now.  Seniors and their families should study the options and costs now.  The greatest gift my mom ever gave me was to plan ahead at age 75, so her transition to assisted living was a good one.  She recently passed at age 92 in skilled nursing care.

Diane has worked in senior housing for 17 years and is the regional marketing director for two debt-free Continuing Care Retirement Communities in Southern CA (Freedom Village in Lake Forest and The Village in Hemet).  Her first book “Senior Housing Marketing – How to Increase Your Occupancy and Stay Full,” is being utilized by senior housing professionals across the country.